What Could Have Been
by bobbo72
Summary: A Tragic Accident shakes up the people of Newport Beach Forever. Ch. 14 is out.
1. Default Chapter

So here comes number six, seven if you count New Season. This is a Season 2 fic taking place during The Way we were. Don't worry for all my fans; I am still continuing my other stories.

Enjoy!

What Could Have Been

His mind was running over all sorts of paths thinking about what he had just seen. She had said she had not dated anyone since them. But then what had he seen about two minutes ago. IT was clearly Marissa making out with some guy that he had never seen before.

FLASH BACK

Ryan sat in the pool house thinking about the past day's events. He thought back to his talk with Summer. He remembered her saying something about how all of them had moved on. And then she said it. Even Marissa had moved on. But what had Summer meant by that? Ryan didn't know. He had thought that for a minute she was with somebody else, but quickly dismissed that notion. She would never lie to him like that. Not his Marissa.

Ryan walked out of the pool house and into the living room where Sandy and Kirsten were watching the television.

"Hey guys, listen can I borrow the range rover? Marissa and I were thinking about going to the Carnival together tonight and I need the car." Ryan asked hoping that they would say yes.

"Sure Ryan. The keys are on the dining room table. Have a good time. And call us when you get there okay?" Kirsten said, adding in the last lines like every worried mother when dealing with her children.

"K. I'm just gonna go say goodbye to Seth, and then I will be on my way."

Ryan walked up the stairs and knocked on the door. When he heard no answer, he simply walked into Seth's room. When he got there, all he heard was the faint sound of Rooney playing. He rounded the corner and saw the source. Seth was lying on his side facing away from Ryan with his ear phones on, listening to his ipod. Ryan walked up to Seth, and slowly climbed over to his ear.

"SETH!!!!" He yelled as loud as he could.

Seth startled a little bit by the magnitude of Ryan's yell, rolled over and saw him looking at him. He took his ear phones off and asked Ryan what he wanted.

"I want when I pick Marissa up, for you to be ready for the Carnival when I get back. Okay?" Ryan demanded of Seth, as he said his goodbyes and walked back down the stairs, leaving Seth to do something that Ryan had come so accustomed to doing. Brood. That is what Seth planned on doing.

He would spend about one hour of each day, going up to his room, and put on his ipod, and silently brood to himself. HE would do that of course until either Summer decided to get back together with him, or until she would at least talk to him. Both of those seemed like long shots at the time.

But back to Ryan.

Ryan walked outside and unlocked the range rover. HE got in the car, put it in reverse, backed out of the driveway, and began on his journey to Marissa's house. He had wanted to see her all day. Though he wasn't sure if he wanted to go on the ferris wheel again like last year, he was sure that he wanted to be anywhere that she was.

Ryan was driving down Newport Avenue when a flower shop caught his eye. He decided to make a detour before heading over to the Nichol residence. Ryan drove to the flower shop, parked his car and walked in. Once inside, he saw what he was looking for. 12 beautiful long stemmed roses. He paid for them with his credit card the Cohen's had given for him, and got back in his car, continuing his drive down to see Marissa

He was five minutes out and decided to turn on the radio to his favorite classic rock station. He knew tonight was the all Journey night, so he was especially excited. But he found out from the Disc Jockey, that they lost their Journey CD collection, and would not be able to play any more Journey CD's. Ryan knew then that tonight would not be a good night. He could just feel it.

MEANWHILE AT NICHOL RESIDENCE

Marissa sat in her room. She knew Ryan would be coming within the next hour or two, but she didn't know exactly when. She was going to get ready in two hours no matter what. He would have to wait if he came any earlier. 

Marissa sat on her bed thinking about the past summer and the past couple of days. She was so messed up this summer. She would get drunk every night, and then she found herself in the arms of DJ. She always thought that there relationship would always be just purely physical. But Marissa never expected to get emotionally attached as she had indeed become. She felt so dirty when Diego's judging eyes centered on her while she made out with Ryan at her house the other day. She didn't feel dirty because it was Ryan, but because she was leading both of them on, and had lied to Ryan.

Marissa really wanted Ryan, but whenever she thought of getting involved with him again, her thought would always focus on him leaving her. That is where DJ came in. He was there for her. When times were worst, he was there. When she was drunk, and needed somebody to pick her up from whatever party she was at, she could call DJ, and he would come running out to get her. God, she was so confused.

And confused she was when she walked outside to ask DJ a question that night. But he wasn't speaking to her. He instead told her she was just like the rest of them. Marissa broke down and DJ comforted her. That is when she did something she had been accustomed to do all Summer long when he comforted her, she kissed him. But this kiss would ruin everything she ever wanted. 

This time, two headlights shined on her as she kissed him.

IN CAR

Ryan stared at the site ahead of him. Marissa was making out with someone else. Those lips were not his. Her hands were not on his shoulders. She was crying to someone else. She was already taken. Ryan's right hand which were holding the roses, let go, allowing them to fall to the floor of the range rover. With tears in his eyes, he backed out of her driveway, not paying attention to her movements towards his car.

He pulled out of her driveway and drove away.

Marissa felt a part of herself die that day. Her heart broke inside of her, and so did Ryan's.

Ryan sped away with tears spilling out of his eyes. He wanted so badly to make this work. To make it work between him and her. All he wanted was to hold her in his arms tonight. But he wouldn't get that chance again. She was lost to him. They were no more. He wasn't sure if he wanted to be anything with her after tonight. But one thing Ryan couldn't shake off. He still loved her. No matter how much she screwed up, he would probably always love her, even if she didn't feel the same way about him. Ryan head sunk as he thought of the simple fact of losing her to someone else. When he brought his head back up, he had no time to react.

He heard the sirens coming from a distance. He tried his best to stay awake, but fell unconscious, never sure if to wake up again.


	2. The Realization

Disclaimer: I own Nada. Except what I make up.

The Realization

Ryan heard the sirens but his eyes closed before he could understand what was going on.

The cops rushed to the scene of the accident. One got out of his car to rush to Ryan's side to check if he was alright, while the other radioed in help from the paramedics.

"66 Central, we have a one man accident. The victim ran into a tree off the side of the road. Requesting a bus and backup., Over. 66 Central."

The Cop put down the radio, and went over towards his partner to see Ryan's condition. When he got to his partner's side, he was mortified by Ryan's sight. His face was all bloody. It did not look pretty at all. The first cop at the scene started tapping on Ryan to see if he was awake.

"Hey kid! You there! C'mon kid, wake up!" The officer yelled to Ryan, shaking him to see if he would wake. The officer realized that he wouldn't be responding, pressed his two fingers up to his neck. He felt for a pulse, and luckily for Ryan, he still had one, but a weak one.

The officers stepped away from Ryan, and waited for the arrival of The EMT's. They were no doctors, but they both knew that this kid they just found did not have much time to live. The paramedics needed to get here quickly, or Ryan wouldn't make it.

As these horrible thoughts passed through their heads, they did indeed hear sirens that were not police cars. An ambulance rounded the corner and started heading towards the accident. Once they were fully stopped, the two paramedics got out of the bus, one holding a stretcher, the other holding all the supplies that they would need.

When they reached Ryan, they were a little hesitant on what to do, but finally acted.

"Um, Excuse me, what are your names, officers?" The paramedic questioned the two policemen at the accident.

"Mine is Monroe and my partner is Jameson."

"OK, Jameson, I need you to open the door and take the victim out of the car. Then I need you to put him on the stretcher. Make sure you are careful as to not hurt him anymore than he is already hurting." The female paramedic ordered the second cop.

The cop got to work. At first the door wouldn't budge. But then they finally were able to pry the door open. Once the door was open, the cop undid Ryan's seatbelt, and brought him out. They laid him down on the stretcher, and the cops helped the EMT's lift Ryan up and bring him into the back of the ambulance. Once he was settled, one paramedic stayed in the back and worked on Ryan's injuries, which was to the head and leg, and the other drove the bus. They put on the sirens and made there way to Newport Memorial Hospital.

Once they arrived at the emergency room, they took Ryan out and began running down the hall with him with a doctor by their side alla ER.

One of the officers, Monroe, who was at the scene, removed Ryan's wallet and read his name. He also opened his cell phone to check for call history. He saw one name on the list. It said Cooper, M.

The officer went over to the hospital room, and dialed that number.

Marissa sat in her room hysterically crying. Everything she wanted in her life was falling apart. All she wanted was to be happy. She knew Ryan was the person that could make her happy, but now she blew it.

It made not have seemed like it by how quickly she was in the arms of DJ, but she missed Ryan so much over the Summer. She wanted him more than anything. And the idea that he would leave again, after he came back, forced her to turn to DJ again.

Marissa suddenly heard her cell phone ringing on her dresser. She walked over to see who was calling, and read the name. It said, Atwood. R.

She was not sure if she could deal with speaking to Ryan right now. The way he judged her as he spoke. She would want to tell him that she loved him, but he wouldn't believe it. She would cry to him, tell him she was so sorry, but he wouldn't care. She finally paused for a second, and then picked up the phone, not bothering to say hello.

"Look Ryan, if you want to yell at me some more, call back another time," She cried into the phone.

But a different voice spoke on the other end, "Um, Miss Cooper, this is Officer Monroe of Newport Police Department."

Marissa gasped.

"Mr. Atwood has sustained numerous injuries in a car accident. He is currently unconscious. Of what relation are you to Mr. Atwood?"

"I'm his…..girlfriend."

"M'am, will you contact his family and tell them to come down to the ER?"

"I will, thank you so much."

When they hung up, tears poured out of her eyes even more than before. She ran downstairs, grabbed her keys to her mustang and started driving towards the Cohen's. She dialed their number.

"I got it." Sandy stated, as he got up out of his seat, going over to see who was there.

"Hello." He started.

"Ssss…annnndddy?" Marissa stuttered onto the phone. Sandy could tell the hurt in her voice. She was crying, and he knew then that something serious had happened.

"Marissa, What is wrong?!" Sandy questioned her, as he raised his voice slightly.

"Rrrr..yaaannn! He was in a cccarr Accident." Marissa cried into the phone. Sandy nearly died right then and there.

"Where are you?

"Newport Memorial."

"I'm on my way. You stay put."

Ryan awoke from his deep sleep to a sight that was very strange to him. He looked around and noticed that he was in a white room. There was a television in the corner, and there were monitors that constantly beeped. The beeping annoyed the hell out of him. But what could he do, he was stuck in this bed, completely unable to move. Ryan felt for the button that he knew would signal for nurses.

He remembered those from when he was ten year old and broke his leg while playing soccer. Ryan turned his head slightly and spotted the button. He picked it up, and pressed the red button. Within twenty seconds, a beautiful nurse, blonde hair, blue eyes walked into Ryan's room

"MR. Atwood, you are finally awake!"

"Yea, I am, how long has it been?" Ryan asked, wondering why there was so much excitement coming from this nurse who he had just met about five seconds ago.

"Three years."


	3. Something Good For Once

Disclaimer: I own Nada. Except what I make up.

Something Good For Once

Three years? He had been asleep and in a coma for three whole years. He had missed so much. For all he knew, there could be a new president, Journey could have come out with a new CD, people could have died or some other major event may have happened that would have affected his life.

Ryan felt like he had died and come back to life. So many things he knew would have changed. Three years from when he was last awake, would put him in his junior year in College. Then it hit Ryan, His Family!. He needed to see Sandy and Kirsten. He needed to see Seth. He needed to know what was going on. Ryan remembered clearly why he had been so upset that night of the car crash. He saw Marissa kissing the yard guy. But now, Ryan just wanted to see her. He had been through so much, and he thought if he could only see her. If he could only see her, he would forgive all her mistakes that she ever made.

Ryan was pulled out of his trance by his treating nurse.

"Mr. Atwood, do you have any idea where you are?" The nurse asked, trying to see if Ryan suffered from any brain damage after all this.

"Yes. I am at Newport Memorial Hospital. I got into a car accident." Ryan responded, clearing all suspicions of that claim.

"Good, now I am going to call, the man that acted as your guardian, Sandy Cohen. I believe he had been the one to watch over you for all this time. So let me just excuse myself and make this call." The nurse said, exiting the room to go find a telephone to call Sandy. Ryan couldn't wait to see Sandy again. To find out all that went on while he was away. He just hoped that things didn't change too much, and could go back to the way they were before his tragic accident. But he wasn't so confident.

SANDY"S OFFICE

Sandy had been sitting at his dresser thinking about what he was going to do for his case. He had to fight for another nuisance client as his new firm. He didn't want to take these cases, but he found out that these were all that existed in Newport. But he found that by being able to do these types of cases, he could do some more pro-bono kids doing what Jimmy once called it, helping kids with nothing. And then he would focus on that one special kid. Ryan Atwood.

It had been nearly 1 month since Sandy had last visited Ryan. He used to go all the time, but his visits slowly dwindled down to every other day, then every week, and now it was at a month away. Sandy did feel bad that he wasn't visiting anymore, but he knew it was for the best for him. Ryan's accident was the worst thing that had ever happened to his family, or what used to be his family.

Sandy continued to work on one of his cases, when his cell phone rang. He looked at the number on the screen. Newport Memorial Hospital. Sandy felt his heart skip a beat, and then realized what must have happened. He had been waiting and dreading this day now for three years. Ryan must have finally died.

Sandy picked up the phone, to the sound of a giddy nurse, who he knew to be Mary.

"Hello?"

"Hey Mr. Cohen."

"Hey Mary. Did it happen? He is gone isn't he?" Sandy asked sadly, already knowing the truth on what had happened.

"No Mr. Cohen, that didn't happen. But I think you should come down here right away." Mary spoke into the phone, not doing the best of job to conceal her happiness. She really wanted to just yell to Mr. Cohen that Ryan had woken up, but she knew it was against hospital policy to speak about patients over the phone.

"All right I am on my way," Sandy spoke into the phone not really sure what to feel. It was good to know that Ryan wasn't dead. But he just couldn't think of another reason that he was wanted to come in. Maybe there was a money issue. Leaving him on life support all those years, may have added up to a hefty cost, so that could be the problem and most likely was. So Sandy finally agreed, this was a financial problem.

Sandy grabbed his checkbook, and walked outside. He got into his jag convertible and rode to the hospital. When he finally arrived, he walked the steps and into the elevator he had rode so many times before. Sandy thought back to the day that Ryan got into his accident………….

FLASH BACK

Sandy sat home in the dining room. He had been having a nice dinner for once. It was just him and Kirsten. Seth was out somewhere, and Ryan was visiting Marissa. It was nice for them to have a dinner alone while the boys were home. They had had so many dinners with just themselves this Summer. But these were special, because their two sons were home. Sandy and Kirsten were involved in fun conversation, when the telephone rang.

"I got it." Sandy stated, as he got up out of his seat, going over to see who was there.

"Hello." He started.

"Ssss…annnndddy?" Marissa stuttered onto the phone. Sandy could tell the hurt in her voice. She was crying, and he knew then that something serious had happened.

"Marissa, What is wrong?!" Sandy questioned her, as he raised his voice slightly.

"Rrrr..yaaannn! He was in a cccarr Accident." Marissa cried into the phone. Sandy nearly died right then and there.

"Where are you?

"Newport Memorial."

"I'm on my way. You stay put." He ordered. Once he hung up the phone, he rushed back into the living room and told a worried Kirsten the news. She started crying. Sandy and Kirsten finally got their acts together, and rode to the hospital. When they pulled up, they went straight to the ER. They were told that Ryan was in surgery currently, and they should report to the waiting room on the third floor. The woman at the desk also said that a young girl was also here She claimed to be his girlfriend. She said she was on the third floor already. Sandy nodded his head, and he ran over to the elevator, grabbing Kirsten's hand. He stepped foot into the elevator, preparing himself for one of the worst days of his life…..

PRESENT

The floor number three popped up. Sandy remember the day well. HE rushed off of the elevator, embracing a devastated Marissa. That is where Marissa confessed that is was all her fault. But Sandy knew that she had been through everything that summer, can could not blame her. Then Sandy could remember finding out that Ryan was in a coma.

Sandy drifted back to today. He walked over to the front desk, and saw Mary, the women who had originally greeted him, on the very first day that he found out. She had been so gentle, so caring, so soothing. But now in the present, Sandy didn't know what, but he could tell by her concealed smile that something was up.

"Hey Mr. Cohen. Come into Ryan's room for a minute."

Sandy nodded and followed her there. She stepped in and then he did. When he did, his heart stopped.

There he saw Ryan. Ryan was awake. He was responsive, and he was smiling at Sandy. Suddenly Sandy's vision went black, and he collapsed onto the floor.

The nurses rushed over to Sandy who obviously had just fainted.

"Think he is happy to see me?" Ryan spoke up.

"We all are Mr. Atwood, we all are.

Read and Review. It may sound happy now, but if you picked up on a few things, you should realize what major problems there are. In this story, there will be flash backs to many events during those three years. Thanks for the support, and do not forget to R/R. Bobbo.


	4. Not Your Fault

Disclaimer: I own Nada. Except what I make up.

Not Your Fault

When Sandy stepped into Ryan's hospital room, seeing he was awake, every thought possible ran through his head in that one or two seconds before he collapsed. At first he thought it was a dream. But then he knew it was real. When he was unconscious, he went back to the day that he had seen Ryan for the first time since the accident….

He walked into Ryan's room in the ICU. When he got there, Kirsten, who was with him, quickly looked at Ryan, then turning her head back, burying her face in his chest. He consoled her telling her that everything would be fine, but even he wasn't so sure about that.

Ryan looked horrible. His face didn't look the same. He had bandages on his head and his leg was in a full cast. There were tubes coming out of every possible place in his body. He had a tube down his throat, one hooked up to his chest and arm. The only thing you could hear was the sound of the respirator breathing for Ryan, and the beeping of the machines.

Sandy let Kirsten go, and she walked out of the room saying she needed some air. There she met Marissa, and Marissa and her went outside together. Sandy looked at Ryan's face. His bruised and battered face. He walked closer and closer towards Ryan until he was hovering over him. He felt the tears welling up in his eye as one dropped on Ryan's arm. Though by blood Ryan wasn't Sandy's son, he loved him like he was.

Sandy finally sat down next to Ryan and just started talking.

"Hey Ryan. Um, I just can't believe this is all happening. I just want you to know how much you mean to all of us. We want nothing more for you to get better and come back to us. I'm sorry if I ever did anything to make you feel unwanted or hurt in anyway." Sandy paused, but continued again, "Marissa and Kirsten are here to see you! I know you would want them to be here, so they are. We all care about you so much Ryan. Me, Kirsten, Marissa, and Seth, we all want you to get better; scratch that, we all need you to get better. I know you don't agree with this necessarily, but you are the rock that has always held us together, and without you, I'm not sure if everybody will be able to survive. So you need to promise me one thing Ryan. You need to promise me that you will get better. We need you so much, and I just want you to know that I love you like a son. We all love you Ryan, don't leave us."…..

BACK TO TODAY.

Sandy's dream left his head when he smelled some awful smell. He opened his eyes and looked around to see two nurses standing around him with smelling salts in there hands.

"Hey Mr. Cohen. I see you are awake. You fainted there for a minute. Do you want us to leave you along with Ryan?" one of the two nurses asked...

"Yes please, thank you."

The nurses walked out leaving Ryan and Sandy in the same room together, neither really knowing how to have this conversation. Sandy had been waiting for this day to happen for so long, but now that it was time, the words didn't want to come out.

"Ryan." Sandy cried.

"Hey Sandy, been a while." Ryan said with tears in his eyes.

"Yes it has. Do you know how much I missed you?"

"I know."

"No, you have no idea."

"I'm sorry for any pain I have caused you and everybody else. I know it isn't really my fault, and you are going to tell me to stop blaming myself, but I know it must have been hard for you guys with my accident and all, and I am sorry." Ryan said sincerely.

"You are right, I will say it. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, so don't even waste your breath on an apology to me. I just want to enjoy the fact that you are back in our lives."

Sandy paused and didn't really no where to continue. He just sat there taking in the fact that he was awake again, when Dr. Brown, Ryan's physician came marching into the room.

"Ryan! You are awake! That is great. Hey Sandy! This is great news!" The doctor exclaimed, being a little too happy. But that was only because Dr. Brown really liked Ryan. He had treated him and been his regular doctor since Ryan came to Newport. He thought that Ryan was a really down to earth kid who was really mature and was one of the nicest people he had ever met.

"Hey Dr. Brown. How is it going? What has life been like for the past three years?" Ryan questioned, letting everybody know he could still have a sense of humor after all these times and troubles.

"Still the sense of humor as always! But these three years have eliminated the dryness from it. What happened?" He joked back.

"I guess this accident had brought out my true funniness. If that is even a word."

"Well it is good to see you Ryan. I just wanted to check up on you to make sure you were okay, and to see how you were feeling. It's good to have you back."

"It's good to be back." Ryan sighed as he slouched back down in the bed. If only Ryan knew how things really were, he wouldn't be in such a happy and relaxed state. But Sandy wasn't sure how he would tell him of everything that went on while he was away. It seemed that after these past three years, Ryan has awoken a happier person. He didn't want to take away all that happiness.

"So Sandy what has been going on for the past three years?" Ryan asked, trying to find out what had been going on all this time while he wasn't exactly what you would call here.

"Oh a lot of change I guess you could say. Many things are different than they were before. Some things are the same as always." Sandy said rather vaguely.

This answer came as a surprise to Ryan. Sandy was hiding something, and Ryan wanted to know what it was. He wasn't giving Ryan a straight answer and he could tell. He made it his job to find out what was going on.

"So how is Seth..."

"Sandy knew how this was going to end, and it wasn't going to be good.

"Seth is good. He is in college. He goes to USC. He missed you like hell you know. For awhile, we thought that he would leave us again like he did when you left with Theresa and the baby. Luckily he wasn't that stupid this time."

"Good, that is good to hear. What ever happened with him and Summer."

Sandy knew where this was leading and decided to change directions when he answered the question.

"They got together again, and are still together, but Ryan I just want to know, are you feeling alright."

"Yea, I am. I feel a little out of it, but overall, I do feel good. I mean I am just so glad that I am alive. I have another question Sandy."

"Ask Away."

"So where is Kirsten."

Sandy felt his heart twist as this question.

"She is in New York."

"Why is she in New York."

Well now he couldn't get out of it, "Because Kirsten and I are no longer together. We got a divorce."


	5. What Happened?

Disclaimer: I own Nada. Except what I make up.

WHAT HAPPENED?

The words hit him like a ton of bricks. Sandy and Kirsten, the seemingly perfect Couple. They were the couple that he had always envisioned his relationship with Marissa to be like. Ahh yes then there was Marissa. But that was a different question.

Ryan felt so guilty for what he believed he did. This was all his fault, just like any other thing that may have happened during these three years. Sandy seemed to be happy in the beginning, just like the old days, but now, he saw a Sandy that he had never seen before. This Sandy was weak, hurt, and distraught. This was much more than divorce, his heart had been broken.

"Sandy, I am so sorry." Ryan said, trying to patch up the wound that could not be healed with anything.

"Ryan, don't feel down, it has been almost a year now. You shouldn't feel guilty about this at all." Sandy told him, knowing full well he would anyway.

Ryan paused at first, not really sure where to go on with things from here, when he needed his questions answered.

"Sandy, I have but one question. How did all this happen?" Ryan asked Sandy. He had to know what happened to his family, if things could be fixed. He hoped they could. Ryan could not imagine life without Sandy and Kirsten. It would be too hard. He would go back to having nothing, nobody in his life that cared, except for one person. At home, it was his brother. He was the person he looked up to. In Newport Beach, it was Sandy.

"Well Ryan, it all started………."

FLASH BACK TO PAST THREE YEARS

Sandy was sitting at the dining room table eating his customary sesame bagel. He was having a cup of coffee, and the newspaper was sitting in front of him. But he didn't read it. He was looking at it, but his mind wasn't there. He had lost that shine in his eye that he had for so long.

It was day 240 of Ryan's Coma. Sandy had gone there just yesterday to check on Ryan. He had wished he could do it when he was awake, but that was kind of hard. Sandy had been going to the hospital everyday for the past 30 plus weeks. He would sit down next to Ryan and have a conversation with him. It didn't matter to Sandy if it was only one-sided, because to him, Ryan was still there.

When he was done letting everything out to Ryan like he did for about twenty minutes, Marissa would meet him in the room, she would say her words, and they would be off to have lunch at their favorite diner down the street. But when she left, that stopped. Back on the home front the last couple of months, things were changing, and not in the direction Sandy had liked them to.

Kirsten used to go with him to visit Ryan every morning before they were scheduled to go to work. She would stay with Sandy some times overnight. Seth also used to go after school everyday to visit his brother. But these things slowly deteriorated. Sandy and Seth's visits became too far apart. Sometimes, it would be almost two weeks between their visits. TO them, they thought it didn't matter to Ryan, because he was not awake. But to Sandy, he knew that Ryan knew.

Everything slowly fell apart, and came to a crashing end today on day 240. Sandy sat down for his morning ritual. Seth sat down with his arts and leisure section of the Newport News, and Kirsten reviewed plans for the latest model home. Like normal, there was no talking, especially about Ryan. That was a touchy subject. Kirsten made it very adamant that she didn't want to talk about Ryan anymore. Sandy didn't like this rule, and had to say something about him.

"So I was at the hospital yesterday visiting Ryan and…." Sandy started, but was quickly interrupted by a clearly angered Kirsten.

"What are you doing Sandy? I thought we agreed to not talk about Ryan anymore!"

"Actually you agreed." Sandy stated softly under his breath.

"What did you say?" Kirsten asked, loudly, knowing full well what he said.

"I said you agreed, Not ME!"

Here is what I am going to do. I have to go, but I will give you this part and I will update around ten o'clock Eastern time. So here is the beginning of this chapter.

"Where is this coming from?" asked Kirsten with anger and confusion in her voice.

"This is coming from ME! I have let you push Ryan away so you think everything will be better for THIS ENTIRE TIME!! But we CAN'T! RYAN IS OUR SON!!"

Kirsten was speechless. She didn't say anything, so Sandy continued.

"He is our son. And you are trying to make everything easier by saying he doesn't exist. Like these last two years, which have been the best two years of our lives, never happened? You should be ashamed of yourself!" Sandy spat at Kirsten who had tears in her eyes, but was not going to back down.

"Well this is coming from the man who drove Ryan off in the first place! If he had never gone to Chino, he would have not needed to go to Marissa's house to make up to her!"

"IT WAS MYYYY FAULT? You were the one that convinced Theresa to have the baby, after she was steadfast on having an abortion!! If anybody's fault, it should be yours!! You put Ryan in the worst position in his life, because you were upset that you had an abortion when you were young!!!"

"YOU knew?"

"Of course I knew. When we had that talk about you giving the advice, and you said you knew what she was going through, I asked you what that meant, and you sidestepped my question."

"Why didn't you say anything then?!

"Because unlike some people, I like to avoid conflict. For the sake of our children. Whom you do not care about!"

"How DARE YOU." She screamed as she took her plate and threw it at Sandy's face. Sandy moved his head quickly, getting out of the way. Kirsten yelled and walked out of the room. Seth sat there silently the entire time, with his mouth wide open.

"What just happened here?" Seth asked, trying to ease the tension that had already boiled over.

But Sandy glared at Seth just like Ryan would, shutting him up. Sandy got up out of the kitchen and instead of going to his room, walked outside, slamming the door behind him, and into the pool house.

Sandy had actually gone to the pool house a lot lately. It was a place of escape for him. It was a place where he could remember his son, without Kirsten saying anything about it. He could tell that she had not reached that room yet. It still had pictures lined on the outside. It still had Ryan's picture of the Cohen's and himself. IT had that sitting on his dresser. It also still had a picture of Ryan and Marissa, just the way he had left it almost two years before when he left for Chino.

Sandy came down here when things got rough for the family. That had been happening a lot of late. It was the spot where he would practice Ryan's favorite activity, brooding. He would brood for hours on end. He would do it when Kirsten was mad at him, or just when he missed Ryan, which was basically all the time.

END OF FLASH BACK

"So that is why you guys are divorced?" Ryan asked.

"No there is more."

"There's more."

"Yes, and it has to deal with you. This may upset you a little bit. It did me, so be prepared for your emotions to take over okay?"

"Okay."

"So a week later….."

A week later, Sandy was sitting in the office watching the latest stock figures roll across the TV screen. He had just got back from his meeting with Ryan, and he was kind of lonely. It was now a month since Marissa had "left," and he didn't have anyone to talk to. It seemed that as the days went by, Seth sided with his mother more and more, and Sandy was the only one let to care for the well-being of Ryan.

Sandy sat at his desk with his head in his hands, when the phone rang, startling him from his sulking. He waited for his secretary Corey to pick up the phone. He had taken his ex assistant Corey from the public defenders office to the other firm, so that is who he had.

"Newport Memorial Hospital, Mr. Cohen." Corey said, as Sandy pressed the button for line 1, picking up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi Mr. Cohen, this is Dr. Brown. I was just visited by Kirsten." The doctor started, with confusion ridden all over his speech.

"She visited. Well that is good. She keeps trying to replace Ryan. Every time we try to talk about him, she changes the subject, and says we cannot talk about him. It is good to see she has changed her ways." Sandy said, with relief for once.

But there was something else that the doctor had not told him yet.

"Actually Sandy, she just visited, to tell me to pull the plug."

"WHAT!!!!"

"She came here, said you and her discussed it, and have decided that to end Ryan's suffering, you were both ready to end it. She said it was time to remove the life support."

Sandy had tears in his eyes as he dreaded the next question that he had to ask, "Did you do it?" He hoped he didn't, but was not sure.

"No."

"Thank God, Don't!"

"I wasn't going to. I know that you would never want that. I remember that time two months ago when I brought up the money, and you said that you had the money and would never take him off. So when she gave me the okay, I decided to call you, even to know, technically all we need is her word."

"Thanks Doc. You are amazing."

"Don't mention it."

Sandy hung up the phone. He was fuming. He couldn't believe she would do such a thing. That was something that he would believe Julie Cooper to do. But not Kirsten Cohen. Sandy grabbed his jacket and left the office and headed over to the Newport Group's office. He sped over there, going over fifteen miles over the speed limit. When he got there, he marched inside, stopped by the receptionist, but walked right past her. He stormed into Kirsten's office, just as she hung up the phone.

"You Bitch!" Sandy spat as he slammed his briefcase down on his desk.

"What did you call me?" She asked, shocked at his outrage.

"I called you what you are! A maniacal Bitch, who couldn't give a shit for our son who is lying in the hospital trying to get better. No! Instead, you try to kill him. What the Hell were you doing without talking to me?"

"I was trying to ease his suffering."

"HE ISNT SUFFERING, HE IS IN A FUCKING COMA!! He can't feel anything!" Sandy screamed, louder than he had ever at Kirsten.

Kirsten didn't respond. She was so furious. Yet at the same time she was sad and upset. She knew then that this was it for them.

"Well, Ryan has been a major burden on us. I mean he has cost us a lot of money."

"I don't believe you! First of all, we are the richest family in Newport Beach, so do not give me this money crap! You would never do this to Seth! And don't you ever say we don't want him because we don't have the money. His life is more important than what we have left in the wallet!!" HE screamed back at her.

"SHUT UPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!"

He was silent.

"I can't stand this anymore! I want a divorce!" She said simply, as she motioned for him to leave his office. He walked out and home to tell Seth. Something that did not go over well.

END OF FLASH BACK

"Wow!"

"wow is right. So that is how we got to where we are today."

But Ryan picked up on a lot of things over that speech. He had picked up on something strange about Seth, and Marissa. But his conversation with Marissa would have to wait to where he was in the comfort of the pool house. 

"Sandy, what really happened with Seth?" Ryan questioned, not really believing what Sandy said the first time.

Sandy bowed his head to the ground, as a tear fell from the floor onto his shoes.

"He is not at USC. He is at NYU. He hasn't spoken to me in almost a year."

Things were really messed up, and he hadn't even heard about Marissa yet.


	6. The Good Son?

Disclaimer: I own Nada. Except what I make up.

Last Chapter, I only got two reviews. If you guys want this story to continue, I'm going to need a little bit more than that. Anyway, here is your next chapter…..

WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN

The Good Son?

One year. That was the time Sandy said since the last time Seth had spoken to or saw him. Ryan couldn't believe it. It was hard to believe that Kirsten and Seth would shut him out like that. He knew he had only heard Sandy's side of the story, but from what he remembered of Sandy, he rarely told lies. He always told things as they were.

But this time, he knew there was something wrong that was so great, that he lost his wife, as well as his son. But Seth wasn't somebody to completely shut his father out like this. He knew he held grudges, but not for years.

Ryan wanted to get to the bottom of this. And went he got home and all settled, he needed to find Seth. He needed to go find Seth and Kirsten and bring them home. But he didn't even know where to find them. He would probably have to search the campus of NYU for Seth, but he didn't have an address for Kirsten's place. He wanted nothing more than his family to be his family again. He still had to worry about Marissa though, and he couldn't really tell from what Sandy has said, what is wrong with her. But right now, he needed to know what happened with Seth.

"Sandy, what happened with Seth." Ryan asked, worried about Sandy's condition and actually Seth's too.

Sandy paused for a moment. That question brought back so many bad memories for Sandy. It brought back memories of constant fights at home, or fights at work over the phone, or fights basically wherever the family traveled to together. Those days were not fun, and all because of the absence of one human being.

"Well Ryan, it all started right after you were in the accident……"

Seth was sitting in his room thinking of his newest way to get Summer to go out with him again. Reasoning with her in school, and basic talking was not working. So today, he was thinking about following her wherever he went. He had to spy on Zack and maybe a little sabotage wouldn't hurt. But then again, he was on his path towards stalking anyway. He didn't want to become a neurotic whiner, but he was well on his way to that phase anyway. He was nothing without Summer, though it took him an entire summer to realize that. He knew who he could go to advise for, that was Ryan.

Seth walked down the stairs from his room, and headed towards the pool house. He passed his mother and father, who for once actually looked happy with each other. They looked content, and as love as he remembered them being all of last year. Seth knew then how they would always be that way, and how much he wanted his relationship with Summer to be like theirs. Everything was great, until he walked into the pool house. When he entered it, he heard yelling and screaming coming from the kitchen.

"What's wrong?" Seth yelled back to his parents as he viewed what looked like his mother being hysterical and his father rushing around to find something.

But there was no answer. Seth was starting to get worried about what was going on. He ran into the kitchen to find out from his parents. When he got there, he once again asked what was going on. But yet again, his parents were too frantic to listen to him, and actually tell him. Seth had had enough

"What is going on!!!" He yelled. But this time his father heard, and was pissed.

"Don't you dare use that tone with me!!" Sandy yelled back, upset with Seth for speaking to him like that.

"Well maybe if you had been listening to me in the first place…." Seth started screaming back, but was interrupted by his father.

"RYAN HAS BEEN IN AN ACCIDENT!!!"

Seth was quiet. He had nothing to say, because his parents were kind of right, but he still felt angry at his father. He gave him the benefit of the doubt that a lot was on his mind. They droved to the hospital, Seth didn't say anything, just taking in what it would mean if he had lost Ryan, again. But this time it could be forever. His life would fall apart. He knew his family would falter, just like it had over the summer. But was there anything that could be done to keep it the way it was?

7 MONTHS LATER

Seth had just got into the limo for prom. It was weird for him. He was in a limo with just him and Summer. He was really upset that Ryan wouldn't be able to attend prom with him. Not that he would have a date, with Marissa going haywire of late. Seth had realized that he had stopped going to visit Ryan lately. He even did something that he knew in his heart was the right thing to do, but just couldn't believe he did. He tried to convince his mother that they needed to end Ryan's life the right way, not with him being on a respirator for the rest of it. He suggested to his mother that they take him off life support. But Kirsten didn't want to do it.

Seth went home after the prom, which turned out to be a disaster, with Summer crying the entire time, because Marissa was nowhere to be found. When he got home, he hit the books.

He had actually looked through books about people on life support for the entire week. He did find one unaccredited source that said that life support harmed the people on it. He brought that information to his mother, in hope of giving Ryan a painless ending. Too bad Seth didn't realize how wrong his information was.

Then, about thirty days or so after he last told his mother, his mom finally pulled through, going to see the doctor, and told him what they wanted to do. Seth finally felt some happiness, but that was until he found out his mother had never discussed their plans with his father. His father was adamantly against this, and had it stopped. Ryan would suffer more. Three days later, Sandy came home, after staying in a hotel for the last three. His wife had already asked for the divorce. He had said that he couldn't stand the face of Kirsten anymore, so he needed time on his own. But on that day, Seth was ready to lay in on him.

Sandy walked into the door, and was immediately put in front of the firing squad.

"Why did you do that?" Seth spat at Sandy as he came from upstairs.

"Because Ryan still has a chance!! I thought you would want your brother again." Sandy responded, a little disheartened at the lack of hope that his family had.

"I do Dad, more than any on you would know! But Ryan isn't coming back! We are all able to accept that! Why the hell can't you!"

"You watch your mouth!"

"Why"

"Because I am your father, and I said so, and as long as you live under my roof, my rules are the rules of this house, and what I say is final!!"

"Well since I am 18, I don't have to live here anymore!"

"Then move out!"

"I will."

Seth ran back to his room, and Sandy to the living room to lie down. He knew that Seth wouldn't have the guts to go through with it, so he prepared himself for another one of the family meetings. They were having a lot of those lately.

But what happened next, completely stunned Sandy. He saw Seth with a bag, walking down the steps.

"Where are you going?" Sandy asked his son, forgetting completely about his last conversation.

"As far away from here as I can! Have a great life Dad! I am going to school a little earlier!" Seth screamed as he opened the door. "And tell mom I will call her. Maybe she can visit. I can't stand to be in your presence anymore!" Seth yelled one more time before walking out on his father.

His father stared into space. He drove his son out of his life. What would Kirsten do now?

Seth knew he had gone too far with his father. He should not have freaked out like he did. But he was so upset with his parents' divorce, that his emotions got the better of him. But he was too late to turn around now…..

"So that is where we are at. I heard from him last year, but since then nothing."

"Wow." Was all Ryan could get out.

"Yea, and I haven't even told you about Marissa."

"Can it get any worse than this?" Ryan asked.

"Oh yea! It can!"

Read and Review. I felt out of element with this chapter, writing so much about Seth. Just to let you know. This story will be mostly about Sandy in the beginning, but will flip over to being about Ryan when he gets out.


	7. Getting Out

Disclaimer: I own Nada. Except what I make up.

Thanks for the reviews last time. It helped to know that more than two people wanted me to continue

WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN

GETTING OUT

It seemed like to Ryan that everything that he had come to love about Newport life, had begun to fall apart. Kirsten was somewhere in New York, Seth was with her going to college there, and Marissa was, well he had no clue what the story was with Marissa, because Sandy wouldn't tell him. Something was up, and he was determined to find out, when he was healthy enough at least.

And then there was Sandy himself. He seemed like a wreck. He had big bags under his eyes, as he looked like he hadn't slept for days. The truth was, he hadn't. He was in one of his mild depressions. He had been through one of these phases, about ten times since Kirsten had left him. He was seeing a psychologist about these problems, but nothing seemed to be helping him. Nothing seemed to be able to cure his "disease" for now. Well maybe until now, with Ryan waking up.

Back to Ryan's thoughts. Ryan had been thinking about the last time he had seen Marissa. It was the reason for his accident. If he had not been in such rough shape, he would not have crashed his car. But he would never blame Marissa for that. Ryan remembered the emotions that ran through his body, the day of the accident. He had felt disappointed, afraid, hurt, but not angry. He had a feeling that something was going on. When he went over to her house earlier in the day, she pulled away from his kiss, or she stalled when he asked if she had a boyfriend. But the most telling sign, was when he had his conversation with Summer, earlier that day. She told him that Marissa had moved on, though she retracted that statement quickly. He knew then, that he could have lost her.

But again, anger was not something that he felt. He wasn't upset that she had been with somebody over the summer. If anything, he was sorry for whatever she went through over the summer. But he was just disappointed, that she wouldn't tell him that something was going on in the first place. He thought they told each other everything. He guessed wrong.

But there was one thing about Ryan that would always existed in their relationship, Love. He still loved her. After all this time, if he could go back to before the accident even took place, he would take her back in a heart beat, after finding out the true situation. And now, he wanted her more than anything in the world. But he knew that something was seriously wrong, and it may be more than Ryan could handle.

"Sandy, what happened to Marissa?" Ryan asked, hoping this time to actually elicit a response from Sandy.

"Not now Ryan!" Sandy warned

"You keep saying this! You are scaring me! I want to know what is going on with her!"

"At home!"

"When will that be?"

But before Sandy could answer Ryan's question, Doctor Brown walked into Ryan's room, hearing the latter part of the conversation.

"Tomorrow morning." The doctor responded as he smiled and walked to Ryan's side.

"That soon?" Sand asked, shocked at how quickly Ryan was getting out of the hospital.

"That soon! Ryan has completely recovered. He may need to be in a wheel chair for a couple days, and get acclimated to walking again, but Ryan has had well over three years to get better physically."

"Thanks doc."

"Sure thing kid."

The doctor walked out. Ryan suddenly felt a weight lifted off of his shoulders. He was getting out of the hospital and finally going home. He couldn't wait to relax in the comfortable confines of the pool house. His pool house. Ryan decided to put Marissa into the back of his mind, and grill Sandy when they got home.

That night, Sandy said his goodbyes, and realized now that he could go home from the hospital with relief. He walked out, leaving Ryan in the hospital room. He told him that he would come back at ten o'clock in the morning to get him. They would drive home and Ryan would rest all day.

But Ryan had other ideas on his mind on what he would do when he got home. First things first, he would get completely healthy. But once he was perfectly rehabilitated, he would be that person that he had been so well. It would be time for him to be the hero again. Ryan needed to find Kirsten and Seth. They needed to know that he was alive and fine. He needed to fix this troubled family once again, put the pieces back together, that couldn't be put back together by it. And that family of his did include Marissa. Not only because she was though he was adopted, she was his aunt, but because she was his. She was always his. He didn't care if Marissa was still with whomever she was with when he found her that day so long ago. He was determined to get her back.

Ryan woke up from his sleep, to find Sandy hovering over him. It was nine thirty, which meant that he would be leaving for home soon. Ryan was looked over by the nurses and doctors once more to make sure everything was fine. Everything was perfect. They helped Ryan into the wheelchair, and wheeled him down the hall to the front desk. They actually had some of Ryan's things in storage. They had his wife beater, and over shirt that he wore that day. They had been washed, so the blood stains were no longer there. They wheeled Ryan back to his room, and he changed into his clothes, with the jeans that Sandy had brought from home.

Then they turned around, and went back down the hall. They waved to all the nurses and doctors that had treated Ryan over the last three years. Some of the women actually had tears in their eyes as they watched him go. They had remembered the day when Ryan had first came in to the intensive care unit. Some of the doctors had even taken bets for how long they thought Ryan would last. They all had lost. Everyone had lost, except for Ryan. He had won.

They were able to load Ryan into the front seat of Sandy's car. Ryan sat in the front seat of the BMW, as the hospital workers, put Ryan's wheelchair in the trunk. Once that was in tight. Sandy said his goodbyes, and they were off to finally go home. Sandy drove down the familiar streets of Newport. Ryan passed harbor. He couldn't help of think about all he had missed. He had missed most of his senior year in high school. That was the supposed to be his year. His year to have fun, and to be free. But he spent all of it, and the first two that were supposed to be for college, in a coma, in a hospital bed. They passed by the pier and the Crab Shack. The gang had some memories from previous Summers there. It was great food that he remembered. But Ryan ate his food through a straw for the past three years. Ryan could see the people running around, and riding their bikes on the pier. He used to do that, ride his bike all the time. But for the past three years, he had not moved at all.

Ryan realized though that the car was now in a part of Newport that he had only visited, when he was going to check out Marissa's dad's old apartment. It was in the numbered streets. Ryan was confused. Maybe they were seeing Marissa, but Ryan wasn't sure anymore. They finally turned into an apartment complex and pulled into a parking spot.

"Well here we are! Home Sweet home!"

Read and Review. Ryan/Marissa drama soon. And if you know me, you know there will be some damn good drama.


	8. Home Sweet Home it is

Disclaimer: I own Nada. Except what I make up.

Thanks for the reviews last time. It helped to know that more than two people wanted me to continue

WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN

Home Sweet Home It Is

Ryan stared at the sorry sight that lay before his eyes. It was something that he was used to living in Chino, but not in Newport with the Cohen's. He was so happy and excited to go back to life in the pool house, but now, it was in a small two bedroom apartment in the numbered streets, similar to what Jimmy used to live in. But Ryan wouldn't complain. This was better than nothing. This was better than being in a coma for the past three years. But Ryan couldn't help wanting to know what happened the last three years, that resulted in him living somewhere else.

Sandy walked around and got the wheelchair out of the trunk. He moved over to Ryan's door, and helped him out of the car and into the wheelchair. Sandy shut the door and locked the car, wheeling Ryan over to the door.

"Sandy, Why are you liv…." Ryan began, but Sandy cut him off.

"I'll explain everything when we get inside.

Ryan nodded his head. He knew things were bad, but he had no idea what he was in store for when he got inside. When Sandy opened the door. Ryan saw the filth he was living in for the past year or two. There were pizzas boxes piled on top of boxes all over the floor. There were empty soda bottles on the floor. Beer bottles on the counter, and at least ten empty bottles of vodka sitting next to the couch. He could actually see the ants swarming near the areas where Sandy had spilled food, some of which had mold growing. Ryan couldn't imagine how any single person could live like this, nor could he imagine how they would get a wheelchair into the house with such a mess.

"Sandy?"

"Yea?"

"How am I going to get the wheelchair in the apartment, when this place is such a …."

"Mess, I know. I guess I didn't get a chance to clean it in the past oh couple of months. If I knew you were going to be waking up again, I would have made this place look respectable." Sandy joked, but Ryan was not laughing.

"Not even a Chrismukkah miracle could make this place look respectable." Ryan kidded.

"Sandy, what happened? Why are we living here, and why is this place such a pig sty."

Sandy knew this question would come up. He didn't want to tell him the answer, because he knew how it would make himself look. But Ryan knew Sandy was having trouble with something.

"Well, I guess there is nothing better than the truth. I don't live in our old house anymore."

"No Shit."

"When I got the divorce from Kirsten, she actually won the house, even to know she would be living in New York. They said that since Caleb bought the house for Kirsten, that it should be given to him. Rightfully so, it was handed over to Kirsten, and I was forced to move out. I thought that since it would be just me, I would get something cheap and affordable. So I got this two room-apartment. It was a lot cleaner when I first bought it."

"So…Why are there two rooms then instead of one?" Ryan asked, as he saw Sandy begin to break down.

Sandy had a couple of tears in his eyes as he answered, "Cause I was hoping that maybe, just maybe, Seth would come home. I guess that hope doesn't get you anything does it?"

"You got me."

Sandy smiled, "That's true kid."

"So, Sandy, what is really going on?" Ryan asked Sandy, concerned for his foster father's situation. He could tell that something bad was really going on. There was something that Sandy wasn't telling Ryan that has really upset him.

"Well, it all started when Kirsten divorced me……..

FLASH BACK

Sandy was sitting in the bedroom of the house he had been living in for the past 15 years of his life. He had known this day would come for so long, since he and Kirsten had gotten separated over a year ago. The divorce had been settled, and he was to move out by the end of the week. He lethargically packed away his life, into a few suitcases. He basically lived his life in an empty house anyway, with Kirsten taking a big chunk of things when she moved to New York City. Seth's room was empty, and basically so was his.

There was that gaping hole in his life that would never be filled. This new apartment that he would be moving into would help him forget. It would help forget the bad times, and the turmoil he experienced over the past two years. The times since Ryan's accident have been nowhere near happy. Sandy looked back on everything he had been through.

He remembered how on some nights, he would stay up late, drinking himself to sleep. He specifically remembered the night where he drank too much, and didn't wake up for another eighteen hours.

Then Sandy moved into the apartment. He didn't remember the last time he actually cleaned it. Basically, he would take his clothes off, throw them on the floor, eat food, and spill whatever crumbs there were, without vacuuming later. He would drink vodka; leave the remains on the counter. He didn't care. He actually once thought of killing himself.

"Good evening Mr. Cohen. I am Dr. Melfie."

"Like the doc on the Sopranos?"

"Yes, I don't hear that enough." She answered, her statement dripping with sarcasm

"What is the problem?"

"Well, I have been having suicidal thoughts of late. My son or foster son has been in a coma for the last two and a half years. My wife has divorced me, and my real son hasn't spoken to me in months, or seen me in over a year. I have been battling depression since he got into this accident. Ryan, my foster son, accidentally got his ex-girlfriend pregnant, and went to live with her in Chino. We didn't see him for over five months. My son took off the same day because he couldn't deal with living in Newport without Ryan. Ryan comes back, thinks everything is normal, and then this. Things just haven't been the same. I had a marriage where we constantly fought, and my wife and son were driven away. I find myself drinking, sometimes taking sleeping pills just to get to sleep, and I am having mood swings. The only thing I live for anymore is work, and my visits to Ryan. But I am starting to feel like I can't do the visits to Ryan anymore. I just want my family back together……

PRESENT

Ryan actually had tears in his eyes for the first time in well three years, since he saw Marissa on that fateful day. He didn't really know what to say to Sandy. Sandy had always been the strong one. The person besides him who held everybody together. But now, he saw the weakness in him. He couldn't help but feel guilty He had ruined everybody's life since this accident. Kirsten and Seth were in New York. Sandy was a wreck without the rest of his family, and everything was just so out of wack.

Ryan missed the way things were. He missed the pool house. He missed Seth's bickering, and Kirsten's wispiness. He missed the fun and sarcasm-filled meals at the Cohen household. But most of all, he missed Marissa. He hadn't heard anything about Marissa yet from Sandy. Somehow he wasn't telling him anything, as if to protect him. 

Ryan thought back to that day again, and how he caught her kissing some other guy. He needed to talk to her, because he knew he still loved her, and he needed to know what went on, and what happened so long ago.

"Sandy, what happened with Marissa?"

Sandy paused, "So, do you like the place."

"TELL ME!" Ryan said this time, looking straight into Sandy's eyes.

Sandy knew he couldn't keep this from Ryan forever. He knew that he needed to come true. He needed to tell where Marissa was.

"Ryan, Marissa is gone. I'm sorry."


	9. Reliving the Night From her Perspective

Disclaimer: I own Nada. Except what I make up.

Thanks for the reviews last time. It helped to know that more than two people wanted me to continue

WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN

Reliving the Night From her Perspective

She was gone, the love of Ryan's life was gone. He knew that when he thought she was his love, he was only 17, but he still could tell that he had wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. But now, that was impossible.

"How did she die?" Ryan asked, tears staining his eyes.

But Sandy looked at Ryan bewildered, and suddenly felt horrible for the way he led Ryan on.

"Oh my God Ryan I am so sorry! She isn't dead! That is not what I meant when I said gone!" Sandy said trying to reassure Ryan, that as far as he knew, Marissa was alive and healthy. But then again, he hadn't seen her in a long time.

Ryan was definitely confused right now. A minute ago, Sandy was telling him that Marissa was gone, and now, she wasn't. Was she dead, or was he alive. And why would Sandy say that she was gone, if she clearly was not.

"Sandy, what is going on? A minute ago you were saying…..And now you are….I am so confused right now!"

"Ryan, get a hold of yourself! Marissa is not dead. She just is gone. She ran away about seven months after your accident." Sandy quieted down. "We haven't seen her since."

Ryan was quiet. They didn't know where she had been for the past two plus years. This was better than her being dead, and permanently taken from his life, but not great as it was. He needed her, but she wasn't here.

"Sandy, what happened?"

"Well Ryan….

Marissa sat in Ryan's room, thinking about everything that had happened over the past few days. She had never been happier that Ryan was back in her life. But his return to Newport, left her confused at what to do in her life. There was Ryan, who she had loved pretty much since she set eyes on him, on the street that first night before the fashion show. But when he left, everything changed for her.

Then she met DJ. It started out as just another person for Marissa to vent to, but then it took on a relationship form. She began to get physical with him, mainly making out though. But she intended there relationship to be purely that, but she got emotionally attached. She promised herself when she started hooking up with him, that if Ryan ever came back, she would leave DJ in an instant and go back to the man she loved.

But Ryan stopped calling her. They decided it would be easier if they didn't contact each other. Really, Marissa suggested that, as it would help her with the pain she felt without Ryan by her side. But she became attached to DJ emotionally, and when Ryan came back, even though she never thought it would happen, she had trouble leaving him. He had been there for her for the entire summer, and she didn't feel right by just turning her back on him. But she knew she should have never lead on both of them. It would have been smarter to sit down with Ryan and confess, and then in good conscience she could break it off with DJ properly.

But Marissa didn't do any of this. Instead like usual, she screwed up. She met with DJ in the morning, and then she saw Ryan, and all her old feelings for him resurfaced. But then yet again, she found her lips together with Ryan's just the way she wanted it. But Marissa couldn't help but feel bad for DJ, as he watched what he assumed was his girlfriend, kissing another guy. And Marissa thought that she had it figured out. She was with Ryan, but yet again, she felt sorry for DJ. She couldn't help if she had a heart. She was genuinely a nice person. At least to everybody except her mother and Caleb.

Then there was DJ again, calling her basically a slut, and how she used him. She cried, got emotional, and he comforted her like he did all Summer. She found herself in his arms again, as his lips brushed over hers. Except this time, this kiss would be their last, as her whole world came crashing down upon her.

She saw the pain in Ryan's eyes, as he looked at her in DJ's arms. She separated from him, as there tears became one for the same reason. They knew at that moment that they had lost each other. As Ryan's range Rover backed out of the driveway, Marissa ran after him, leaving DJ in the dust. But Ryan didn't see her, nor did he stop. He had his eyes focused behind him, as he pulled out of the driveway. As he drove down the street, if only he could see Marissa Cooper, chasing after him. Her mascara ran down her face, as her tears stained her blue shirt. She stopped in the middle of the street, knowing full well she had lost him. Marissa turned around, and slowly walked back. She knew she couldn't face DJ, not now. What Marissa needed to do, was go fix things with Ryan.

Luckily for Marissa, DJ was nowhere to be seen when she got back. She didn't know if that was a good thing or not, noticing how Ryan probably would not want to be his girlfriend again. Marissa got back to her house, and ran back upstairs. Once she got to her room, she lay down on her bed, and cried. And cried. The crying never subsided that night, it just went on and on. 

Why couldn't her life be easier? Why did everything with Ryan have to be so difficult? Why couldn't she just be with the man she loved? All those were questions she wished somebody could answer for her. But they never were. It seemed that somewhere in Marissa's life, she was condemned to live a life of fear, depression, and lost hope. It was like it was her destiny to be unhappy.

Then the phone rang. Marissa was not in the mood to listen to whoever was on the other line. It was probably Summer, checking up on her like she had been doing. Summer, since she found Marissa drinking a lot, had been checking up on her. She had been doing this all Summer long, and apparently was going to do this into the school year. But she knew also that Summer would be out with Zack now at the movies, so it could not be him.

Maybe it was her father? But no, he wouldn't be calling at this hour anyway. The next thought that crossed her mind, was that it was Ryan. She began to panic. She couldn't face Ryan now, or even talk to him. Too many bad things had just happened, and she was afraid of what she would do once she finished speaking to him. She didn't want to feel bad for herself anymore, but she knew she would, when she heard the extreme sadness and pain that would be apparent in his voice.

She finally got up and headed towards the phone, and skipped a breath when she saw that the caller ID said, Atwood, R.

She was not sure if she could deal with speaking to Ryan right now. The way he judged her as he spoke. She would want to tell him that she loved him, but he wouldn't believe it. She would cry to him, tell him she was so sorry, but he wouldn't care. She finally paused for a second, and then picked up the phone, not bothering to say hello.

"Look Ryan, if you want to yell at me some more, call back another time," She cried into the phone.

But a different voice spoke on the other end, "Um, Miss Cooper, this is Officer Monroe of Newport Police Department."

Marissa gasped.

"Mr. Atwood has sustained numerous injuries in a car accident. He is currently unconscious. Of what relation are you to Mr. Atwood?"

"I'm his…..girlfriend."

"M'am, will you contact his family and tell them to come down to the ER?"

"I will, thank you so much."

At that moment, Marissa felt every emotion one could feel. Extreme guilt, sadness, anger, but most of all, love. She loved Ryan, and she couldn't lose him. But what she didn't realize that after this day, she would lose more than just Ryan, she would lose herself. Marissa would be gone, forever.

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	10. The Diner

Disclaimer: I own Nada. Except what I make up.

Thanks for the reviews last time. It helped to know that more than two people wanted me to continue

WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN

The Diner

It had been about two months since Ryan's accident. Marissa had kept vigil inside his room for everyday of that time. She spent so many sleepless nights by his bed, praying to God that he would wake up, and they could be happy again.

On the home front, Marissa broke up with DJ, or ended whatever relationship the two of them had, which wasn't really more than hooking up when they could. The relationship was more of one of a rebellion against her mother. She had always secretly hoped that her mother would find out so she could just shove it in her face, but she never wanted Ryan to find out. And when he finally did, both of their lives were ruined.

Marissa sat in Ryan's hospital a day after school. She was waiting for Sandy so they could go to lunch together. Sandy and her had made it their tradition to meet after Marissa went to school, come back to the hospital room, and then go to get a bite to eat. Sandy would use his lunch break for this time with Marissa. It enabled him to get to know her better, and basically give both of them somebody to talk to without Ryan in their lives.

Sandy had realized that the absence of Ryan had left a gaping hole in Marissa's life. Sandy knew that she drank to solve her problems. Ryan had once confided with Sandy about this after their Chrismukkah bash last year. He told him about the night before, and the open container of vodka, everything. So Sandy knew, and he also knew that he needed to remain close to her, so she wouldn't do anything stupid.

The two forged a relationship that was almost paralleled that of Marissa and Jimmy's. Sandy at one point was even closer to Marissa than her own father was. And that led them to today.

Sandy walked into the hospital room, and saw Marissa sitting in the corner of the room up next to Ryan's bed. She was holding his hand, as the respirator pumped breaths in and out of Ryan. She was speaking softly to him. Sandy moved in closer and closer to her to see what she was saying.

"Ryan, I know I have let you down. Just know his I didn't mean to hurt you. DJ that is his name, the guy you saw me with….I don't love him. I love you. And I am so sorry." Marissa cried to Ryan, toughly clutching on to his hand.

Sandy moved in closer to Marissa, resting his hand on her shoulder, causing her to jump.

"It's okay Marissa! It's just Sandy!" He reassured her, but she knew that it wasn't alright. He had heard everything, and it was only a matter of time before he deserted her just like everybody else in her life had done before.

Marissa hesitantly turned around, slowly looking up to Sandy with her tear-stained eyes. He could see the hurt in her eyes, and from what he heard, knew that there was something that she was bottling up inside of her that was eating her alive.

"Marissa, let's head over to the diner, and you can tell me what is wrong. I heard some things, and I want to know everything. You know you can trust me." Sandy stated, looking directly into her eyes.

Marissa nodded, and walked outside side by side with Sandy, but not before planting a kiss on Ryan's bruised cheek. They walked out and down to their respective cars. Marissa got into her red mustang, and Sandy into his black BMW. They drove down the street and across town to their favorite diner Newport's Best. That was the place they had met in for the past three weeks, like mentioned before.

When the got to Newport' Best, Sandy and Marissa both got out of their cars, and walked inside. They got their usual table, right next door to the fish tank. They had basically become regulars in the place, and everybody seemed to know who they were. They thought that Sandy was Marissa's father, and had even told him how much of a good kid he had. They never took time to correct them; it would just be too confusing.

They took their seats, and ordered what they normally did. Sandy the meatloaf and Marissa the burger. IT was a good opportunity for her to enjoy meat, especially when she pretended to be a vegetarian to please her mother.

After they ordered their drinks and food, they waited for their meal. Now was the perfect time to talk, and boy did they have a lot to talk about.

"So.." Sandy started, "Marissa, what was that I heard earlier about you and another guy. Is there something that you haven't been telling me?"

Tears built up in Marissa's eyes and fell as she began.

"It all started over the summer. I was really lonely and I drank a lot as you know. I then began a relationship with the gardener. When Ryan came back, I wanted nothing more than to be with him again, but then there was DJ. I wanted Ryan, but I was scared he would leave again. I found myself seeking DJ again after he came back, and Ryan caught me kissing him. That was the night of the accident. He crashed about five minutes later….." Marissa said, trailing off towards the end. She had tears falling from her eyes, and ran outside.

Sandy didn't really know what to do. He finally decided to give her a couple of minutes to calm down, and come back in, or he would go outside and see how she was personally.

Sandy waited for two minutes, and then finally walked outside, and saw Marissa leaning on the rail, looking over at the ocean. The wind blew her hair back and forth, slowly drying her tears. Sandy walked over to her side and stood next to her.

"Beautiful sight, isn't it." Sandy said to her, trying to start conversation.

"I used to come over this way when things got tough for me. It always helped to walk around the pier, and sometimes stop by the shops, or grab a bite to eat. Whenever my parents had a fight, or me and Luke would fight, this place was my hiding spot, it would make me feel safe. Same thing when I broke up with Ryan last year, or had any problems, and I would run here. This is my safe spot, my place to run away, my place to hide from all the troubles in my life. I guess I have a lot more reasons to come here now than I ever have before."

"Marissa, do you feel guilty?"

She looked down at the boardwalk below, and sadly looked up and caught Sandy's eyes. He knew the answer to the question.

No words needed to be said. Sandy took her into his arms, embracing her like a Father would his daughter after a loved one had died.

"Don't feel guilty Marissa, it wasn't your fault." Sandy whispered into Marissa's ear.

But she knew that it was all her fault. If she hadn't lied to him, been unfaithful, or done whatever you would want to call it to him, she was the cause of the accident, and she knew it. She saw the tears in his eyes as he drove away that fateful night, and knew that what she did hit him hard, especially since she had never seen Ryan cry before in his life in Newport Beach.

"But it was my…." She trailed off at the end. Sandy grabbed her hand, and brought his arm around her shoulder, and walked her back inside the diner. They sat back down, had a few drinks (cokes of course), and started talking about the glory days. The days when Ryan was around, and everything was perfect for everybody, even though nothing could be perfect in Newport Beach.

Right after Marissa ate, she excused herself to go to the bathroom. Once inside, she went into a stall, and sat down on the toilet seat. Marissa proceeded to take her finger and work its way down her throat. She caused herself to gag, and bring up everything she just ate inside the toilet. When she was done purging, she walked over to the sink, wiped her mouth, popped in a breath mint, and walked back to the table with Sandy.

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	11. Discovered

Disclaimer: I own Nada. Except what I make up.

Thanks for the reviews guys. It helps to know people appreciate me. Keep on Reviewing.

WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN

Discovered

Marissa sat in her room, watching the television. There was nothing on TV today at that hour, so she simply flipped through the stations, finally settling on the Valley. Just as she expected though, a knock was heard at her door, as she was getting settled in her bed.

"Come in!" Marissa yelled from inside her room. The door opened, and Summer appeared on the other side, with three massive bags.

"Hey Sum." Marissa started, as Summer walked in, putting the bags on the dresser, and sitting next to Marissa.

"Hey Coop. How you feeling today?" Summer asked, brushing Marissa's loose strands of hair out of her face.

"Not bad. Today is a good day so far. I have not cried yet, which is good considering I normally cry when I wake up. I feel that things are going to get better soon!"

If only things could. Summer applauded Marissa's optimism, but she wasn't feeling the same way. She knew things that Marissa would never know. Her source in all this was Seth. He had told her that the doctors didn't think that Ryan would ever wake up. He also said that they had not told Marissa that news, in fear of what she might do to harm herself. If they only knew what she was doing already.

"Good for you Coop, I feel it too." Summer reassured Marissa, but Marissa wasn't that dumb. She could see right through Summer's lie.

They sat on her bed for several minutes, each not sure what to say to each other. It had been so long since Marissa or Summer had and actual conversation with each other. Marissa had spent all her time over the past three months at the hospital, while Summer spent most of it either with Seth at the Cohen house, keeping Kirsten company, or trying to be a best friend to the person she was closest to. I guess one could say two out of three ain't bad.

"So, what are in the bags?" Marissa asked pointing to the three bags that Summer had brought over to her house.

"Well Coop, I think we need to munch down on something good. Today I am treating you to a relaxing day of food, talk, and TV. And it looks like you have already concentrated on the Valley, so the television is taken care of. Now, the food. In bag number one, I have Ben and Jerry's for each of us, potato chips, Tostitos, salsa, and all those other snack goodies."

"I love Tostitos!"

"I know, that is why I bought them. In the next bag are the drinks. I bought a variety of things, including soda, juice, and mineral water. There will be no alcoholic beverages today, so this is all we have. And in the last bag, we have the mother of all comfort food."

"What is it!" Marissa excitedly asked Summer.

"Wendy's burger's and fries."

"Oh my God! I love you so much Sum! You are the best friend a girl could have!" Marissa exclaimed, wrapping her arms around her best friend, kissing her on the cheek. "But how are we going to finish all of this food?"

"I was thinking that whenever we are sad, we are sure to have leftover to cheer us up!"

"You are so smart."

"I know."

"Somebody conceded?"

"Just a little."

Marissa smiled, and with Summer going first, reached into the bag of Wendy's that lay inside the third bag. Marissa took out a cheeseburger and scarfed it down in no time. She didn't really take her time with the French fries either, sticking two to three in her mouth at a time. Summer couldn't help but laugh at her best friend's urgency with the food.

"What's the rush Coop?"

"I'm hungry, really, really hungry." Marissa told Summer in between bites of her cheeseburger.

This was heaven to Marissa. She couldn't remember she had had something so good to eat. It was like heaven for her. And it was definitely making her happy, just like endorphins to, giving sugar to the brain, or something that Summer said last year.

Once Marissa finished off her second burger and her French fries, she excused her self to the bathroom. She walked over, shutting the door behind her. Marissa looked at herself in the mirror, at what she had become. She could see her bones starting to appear at her cheeks. But Marissa didn't actually see that. She saw it, but her mind told her that she still did not look good enough, not up to Ryan's standards.

Marissa walked over to the toilet seat and squatted next to it.

Summer continued eating her food and watching the valley, when she realized she needed to ask Marissa a question about the sales this weekend at South Cast Plaza. Being the shopping nut she was, this question couldn't wait until she got out of the bathroom.

So Summer walked over to the bathroom, but stopped short when she heard a harsh sound coming from inside. She heard the sound of gagging. It sounded like Marissa was throwing up. She suddenly felt bad. While she was trying to make her feel better, the food must have caused her stomach problems, equaling the sickening feelings she was experiencing.

Summer opened the door of the bathroom to see how Marissa was feeling, and was shocked by what she saw. There before her very eyes, she could see Marissa with her finger shoved down her throat, and worst of all, she saw Marissa vomit into the toilet, shortly after removing her finger from her mouth.

"Coop! What are you doing." Summer screamed, mouth agape, looking at her friend who clearly was in the stage of purging herself of all the food she had just ate.

Marissa looked over to the Summer, tears flowing from her eyes into the toilet below.

"I'm ssssorrrrryy." Marissa said, concentrating her glances to the floor, not able to look Summer in the eye.

Summer did what any good best friend what to do. She walked over to Marissa and took her into her arms.

"It's gonna be okay Coop." she reassured Marissa. Hugging her friend tight, wiping away the tears in her eyes.

"You need help, Coop."

"I know."

After this incident. It was decided that Marissa was going to get help, and not just therapy. Everyone, including Marissa, thought that it would be better if she were to get away for awhile and go to a treatment center, dealing with people with eating disorders, as well as depression, and any other psychological problems that she may have been dealing with.

She would stay at the Greens School for the Young with Eating Disorders, or GSYED for short, for a period of one month. She would be schooled there for a month, with an actual teacher from harbor, who is hired by the School to match the curriculum of the patient, in order to maintain a steady learning pace.

Marissa knew that she needed to do this for herself, and everybody that cared for her. But the driving force for her to get better, was the idea that this is what Ryan would want her to do. Ryan would want her to get back to the weight she was, and to get healthy again. She did this for him, for Sandy, and for Summer, the people that cared for her right now.

So Marissa packed up her bags and got into Sandy's BMW. He would be the one to take her over to the treatment center. They drove silently until they reached the center. Marissa got out of the car, signed in with Sandy be her side, and then said goodbye, and she was all alone once again.

PRESENT

"I'm really proud of her." Ryan said to Sandy.

"I was too."

The word "was" rang in Ryan's ears. What else went wrong?

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	12. Treatment

Disclaimer: I own Nada. Except what I make up.

Thanks for the reviews guys. It helps to know people appreciate me. Keep on Reviewing. And just to answer some questions. Yes, I have started a Story called "Her Wishes" Some people are angry, because I am involving recent events, but that is the purpose of being "based on a true story." I will continue to write, even with the objections, because that is a subject which I believe strongly on. Also, it would be a continuation from this story, pretending, Ryan finds Marissa, and everything is fine. So check it out, and if you have a problem with it, you can let me know, but I will not stop writing it.

WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN

Treatment

What Was he proud of. Why else wasn't Sandy proud. He didn't get anything out of Sandy, because only Marissa knew the truth. Something happened after she went to the treatment center, but he didn't know what. He wasn't exactly sure Sandy knew either, and that really surprised him, because he thought they talked to each other about everything. But apparently, that was not true at all.

MARISSA"S STORY (Nobody knows about this portion besides her.)

Marissa arrived at the Clinic, and said goodbye to Sandy. She would be there for the next twenty eight days. Twenty eight long days. But even though she was at her rock bottom, even though she weighed under 100 pounds. Even though she looked terrible, and had little self-esteem, she felt great. She was feeling the best she had felt in a long time. She had some control over her life, enough to admit she had a problem, and that she needed help. That was why she was here, today in a recovery center. She was here to overcome her problem, and make the madness stop.

Marissa was led into the room where she was to stay for the next month. It was nice and quaint room. It was much smaller than the one she had at home, but she could deal with it. It had a bed on one side, and a dresser and closet on the other. It actually reminded her of a single dorm room in a college, except a little bit bigger, but not much. There were some pictures of various things on the wall, but mostly pictures of what drugs will do to you. She understood what they meant when they said twenty-four hour teaching.

As soon as Marissa set her bags down, and fell down onto the bed to test how comfortable it is, a woman in her mid twenties walked in and stood just inside the doorway.

"Hi. Who are you?" Marissa asked the woman.

She approached Marissa, smiled, and reached out her hand to be shaken.

"Hi, I am going to be your drug counselor here. My name is Jan Reynolds, but you can just call me Jay, that is what everybody calls me, and I don't really know or care why."

"Marissa Cooper." Marissa answered, shaking the other's hand.

"Well are you ready for the grand tour of this wonderful facility?"

"Sure."

Jan took Marissa around, and showed her the ropes of the place. It was definitely one of the nicer facilities, or she could imagine. After all, she never really went to an institution like this before, or any one before, so this was all a little new to Marissa.

"This here is our rec room." Announced Jan. The room was actually very nice. Since the people their were in high school and college, the room had things that would fit that type of scene. There was a ping pong, and pool table in the corner, and a television in the other corner, and the entire place was carpeted, and surrounded with random chairs and couches to fill up the space.

The next room she took her to was the meeting room. It was the place where they would have group discussions. Marissa remembered hearing about the schedule, and that she would have to have one group meeting everyday, and then the next place she would go was to a personal meeting. She would have that in the Psychological office, with Jan.

"Well that is the grand tour! Everyday you will go to the main classroom, where you will go learn your courses with our special Harbor professor. Than you will complete the rest of the routine that we went over each and everyday until your stay ends. Understand?"

Marissa nodded her head.

Jan walked away and left Marissa on her own.

It was now twenty eight seven days later. Marissa was getting out tomorrow. She was about to have her last meeting with Jan to discuss what she should try to do when she gets out. Marissa stepped into Jan's office, and sat down, or actually lay down on the sofa that she laid on for much of the times she came here. She remembered specifically her first time, when she revealed why she had started with her eating disorder in the first place……

FLASH BACK

Marissa had walked in for the first time to Jan's office for her very first Psychological meeting. When she entered the room, she stood around uncomfortably as Jan was nowhere to be scene. Marissa looked over at the plaques on the wall. She was astounded by the different array of awards she had won, mostly coming from Stanford University. That was some school. The oddness of Marissa's situation was broken when Jan walked into the room.

"Marissa! How are you, and how is your second day?" She asked, giddy as she always is.

"Not bad."

"Well let us get right to it. So, How did your bulimia start?"

"Well, I guess you could say that in ninth grade I suffered from Anorexia, mostly because of my mother. She tried to pressure me, saying that I should be a size zero instead on a one, and I guess I felt that I needed to lose weight. But I quickly got over that when my best friend Summer told me that I was looking on the skinny side. Then, I guess you could say my life completely changed when this guy, Ryan Atwood moved to Newport. I fell in love with him, and when we broke up, he ended up having sex with somebody else. We got back together, but his ex came back, telling him she was pregnant. He was ripped from my life, and I never recovered."

"Go on Marissa, go on."

"Well, I was in a dark state all summer long. I drank a lot, and I ended up fooling around with the yard guy, to take my mind off of Ryan. But then unexpectedly, Ryan came home. But after he thought we would get back together, he caught me kissing D.J, the yard guy at my house. He was devastated. He got in an accident that left him in a Coma, well and he is still in a coma. I wasn't the same after that. I looked at his accident at a way of him rejecting me. I guess I put a thought in my head that I didn't look good, and I was fat, and that is why he left me. So I started to become bulimic, because I could still have food. I was too blind to realize that I had a problem, until my friend Summer caught me with my finger down my throat trying to purge the food that I had just ate. So that is how I got here today. I decided that I needed help, and I want to get better. That is what Ryan would want…..

END OF FLASH BACK

She remembered that day like it was yesterday. That was one of the very first days that she had ever opened up to a person that she barely knew. It felt good, and now it was almost over. Marissa could honestly say that she had not had any thoughts relating to bulimia in over a week. This therapy had really helped, and she had nobody to thank besides herself, because she admitted to herself that she needed help.

"So Marissa, I want to discuss what I feel you should do when you get out, what you need to accomplish, and what needs to happen, in order for full recovery."

"Okay Jan."

"First, you need to admit to everybody in your life about Ryan catching you and DJ making out, and Ryan catching you. That seems to be where all the guilt is rooted. You feel as if you have this secret, that makes it all your fault, and to be relieved of this great stress, you need to tell everybody. You need to tell Summer, Seth, and especially Kirsten, that would mean a lot to her. Also tell your parents. I want you to think about the good times you and Ryan had whenever a bulimic thought comes through your head. I need you to stay strong for me Marissa, okay?"

"Okay."

Jan and Marissa stood up. Jan walked over to her, and embraced her in a hug.

"I never want to see you here again, okay?"

"Sure." Marissa smiled and she went back to her room.

"Oh and Marissa?"

"Yea." She answered, turning around

"Pray for him. I will everyday."

"Thanks."

Marissa packed up all her stuff, and got ready for Sandy to pick her up so she could leave again. The first place they agreed to go was to see Ryan. Marissa hadn't been in over a month, after going everyday. It would be a return to form for her, and would be very comforting.

Sandy parked his car, and greeted Marissa at the doors.

"You ready to come home kiddo?"

"Let's go home."

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	13. The Fall Out

Disclaimer: I own Nada. Except what I make up.

Thanks for the reviews guys. It helps to know people appreciate me. Keep on Reviewing.

WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN

The Fall out

Sandy and Marissa sat in his car, just talking about the past 28 days. They spoke of Marissa's therapy sessions, the food, the living quarters, the people, and just about everything that they could think of, while trying to avoid the sadness that would fill them very soon.

They parked at what Sandy referred to as "his parking spot." Marissa got out of her side and Sandy his, and walked inside the hospital. They waved to the familiar people they had seen almost everyday now. One of them the receptionist at the desk.

"Hi Mr. Cohen."

"Hey Dana."

"Marissa! I'm so glad to see you again! What happened?"

Marissa didn't want to get into it, but for a good thing, Sandy jumped into the conversation, to save her.

"Marissa and her family took a vacation, to get away from everything. I think it helped a lot, didn't it sweetie?"

She nodded her head.

There was Sandy like usual, saving the day for her. He was taking the role that Ryan couldn't, to be her knight in shining honor.

The two said goodbye to Dana, telling her they would see her later when they left. Marissa and Sandy stepped into the elevator, pressed two for ICU, and waited. The doors opened, and they stepped out. Marissa walked towards his room, but stopped. Was she really ready to do this?

"What's wrong Marissa?" Sandy asked, worried at the facial expressions Marissa was making right now. Her face was white as a ghost, and the look of pain and horror shown on her face. Her feet were planted on her spot on the floor. She couldn't move at all. She was just so scared of seeing Ryan again. But she needed to do this, not just for herself, but for Ryan, and everybody else. They needed her to get better.

"I'm not sure I can do this Sandy."

"Just breathe Marissa."

She took two deep breaths, and another, and she settled down. She took a step forward, and walked towards his room again. When she turned her head, she saw not only Sandy smiling at her, but Janet, Chloe, Melissa, and all the other nurses on the floor. It made her feel special that she was wanted again, and people were happy to see her. But everything was about to change for her, when she walked into Ryan's room, the sadness returned as she looked down upon his lifeless body.

She wasn't ready to see this again. But she dealt with it anyway. She walked up to his bed, and pulled up the chair, so she could sit down next to him again like she used to. Marissa grabbed his hand, planting a kiss on his hand.

"Hey Ry. I'm back. I really missed seeing your face everyday for the last month. I just want you to know that I am all better. I know you didn't know this, but I had a little battle with bulimia, because I thought that I wasn't looking good enough for you. But I'm fine now. And I want you to know that I love you and will always love you. My doctor told me that I need to confess to everybody about me and DJ. They said that it would relieve my guilt. But I guess the guilt will never really go away. I'm so sorry for letting you down Ryan, because that is all I do, let you down. I let you down when I tried to commit suicide, I let you down with Oliver, and I let you down with DJ. Please come back to me Ryan, I need you so bad."

Sandy watched from the doorway as she poured her heart out to Ryan. He couldn't help but shed his own tears. Sandy wasn't a crier, but who wouldn't cry. It brought him back to the old days of teenage romance, and the days of his love after College with Kirsten. He would react the same way if god forbid anything ever happen to her. He couldn't even understand the surface of the pain that Marissa was going through. All he could be is a father to her. A father that at the moment she doesn't have. She has a father who instead drinks himself to death on a boat, trying to get rid of his sorrows of lost love. So Sandy needed to pick up the role of Dad for her, and give her a better life.

Marissa got up from Ryan's side, as she cried and cried, and cried. When she turned around, there was Sandy, who took her into his arms, as she dug her face into his chest.

"I love him so much. I need him, I miss him! Why did this have to happen to him? Why!" She screamed loudly with so much pain, so much sorrow.

"Marissa, you need to be strong. You need to be strong for him, for yourself. That is what he would want!"

Those words, "what he would want" rang in her ears. It would be what he would want. So Marissa pulled it together for him.

"C'mon. Let's go."

They walked back out, the same way they came in, Marissa hugging Sandy tightly. But this time as they walked out, there were no people saying hi, there were no people telling them how happy they were to see Marissa. Instead all those faces were filled with sadness, with sorrow. Everyone now felt so bad for her. She didn't deserve what was given to her in this life. Nobody deserved the pain she had to live with.

When they got to the car, Sandy started it, and went back to the Cohen's.

"You alright kiddo?"

But Marissa didn't respond.

"Marissa?" he asked, turning his head. And when he did, he could see that she was out. She was sleeping so peacefully. This had been a hard day on her, she really needed this.

When they pulled up to the Cohen's house, Sandy woke up Marissa, and told her that they were home.

"We're at my Mom's" she asked confused and groggy.

"No, my house. C'mon, let's go inside."

They walked into the house and….

"SURPRISE!"

In front of Marissa stood Kirsten, Sandy, Summer, Seth, Her father, and even Julie and Caleb. There was a sign above everyone's head that read, "Welcome Home Marissa." Marissa didn't really feel like a party, not after seeing Ryan the way he was, but she couldn't help but smile. With the exception of the last two, she loved these guys too much.

"thanks, everybody, this means a lot to me."

Everybody smiled and took turns walking over to Marissa and hugging her.

"Hey coop, Welcome home."

"Hey sweetie, it's good to have you back."

"Hey aunt Marissa, good to see you."

"Hey Kiddo, I promise that I will be there for you from now on."

"Marissa, darling, JuJ…your mother and I are very proud of you."

"Hello Marissa, I'm glad my daughter is out of a clinic, you couldn't imagine the embarrassment of having…"

Her mom always knew how to ruin a party.

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"Get the Hell out of my house!"

"What was that!"

"You heard me, Get the hell out of my house!"

Sandy was furious. How dare her treat her own daughter, her own flesh and blood like that! It was a bad enough way to treat any person, but especially your daughter. We all know Sandy had become extremely close to Marissa during this time, but the closeness has never been seen more than now. He is her protector.

"What is your problem? I am raising my daughter my way! You are not her father! No matter how much you think you are that drunk over there, who spends all his time on a fucking boat is! So stop acting like him, because you are pathetic."

Sandy was quiet. Was everything she said true? It was true that he was not her father. Maybe he shouldn't be doing what he was doing; maybe he was trying to replace Ryan. Maybe, he should let her go and stop always trying to protect h………

"NO MOM! Leave him alone." Marissa screamed at her mother.

"You don't use that tone with me young lady! I am the only mother you have so you better deal with me." Julie retorted.

"I wish I didn't have one." Marissa said softly under her breath, but just not low enough that her mother wouldn't hear her, but she did.

"You Bitch!" Julie yelled back, and raised her hand to Marissa in a threatening matter. When she was about to strike her daughter with her hand, somebody reached their hand out, grabbing it before it touched Marissa.

"Julie leave now."

Jimmy Cooper had finally arrived.

Julie left and everything was back to normal. Or as normal as things can be. Everybody got their seats, and sat down to dinner, but nobody seemed to notice the absence of Marissa. She had said she needed to go to the bathroom, but that was over five minutes ago.

Marissa did actually go to the bathroom. But when she was about to return, she stopped. She looked at everybody socializing in the living room. It was like old times for Kirsten, Seth and her father, but Sandy, was the only one who didn't look happy. It was like they had all forgotten about the major absence, or gaping hole in their family. It seemed as if they didn't care.

Marissa saw her escape, and saw the place she needed to visit. She snuck into the kitchen, and out the back door. She walked up the stairs, and to the doors of the pool house. Marissa reached out for the handles, but retracted them. She could feel the tears build in her eyes as she reached for those gold handles once again. It brought her back to the many times she would open those, only to see Ryan's face pop up from reading a book, or sleeping peacefully in bed. This time though when she opened them, the room was empty, nothingness.

Ryan wasn't there. He wasn't there to hug her, to wipe away all the tears, or to tell her that everything would be alright. Marissa instead walked in to the empty pool house. But the only thing empty about it was the person. There were still the pictures on the wall, Marissa's picture on the nightstand, Ryan's jacket on the coat rack, Ryan's Journey CD collection in the CD stacking system, and there were still his clothes in the drawer. But all that didn't matter, because it was empty without that person, Ryan Atwood.

Marissa slowly walked over to the picture of her sitting on his night stand. She picked it up, and stared down at it. The rage in her returned as she slung the picture of herself against the wall, as she collapsed onto his bed, crying into his pillow.

"I miss him so much."

"I need him so much."

"I love him so much."

Back in the Cohen house, the family was about to start their meal, when finally Sandy spoke up.

"Have you guys noticed that Marissa isn't here, and has been in the bathroom for a really long time?"

"Yea, where is she?" Summer finally spoke up, saying her first words since Marissa had gotten home.

But before anybody could answer, there questions were solved.

"BAM"

That was the sound the picture frame made as it crashed against the wall, glass shattering into millions of pieces.

Sandy got up to see how she was doing, but somebody put their hand on his shoulder, telling him to sit back down.

"I'll go."

When she got closer and closer to the pool house, she could hear the sniffling, and the muffled sounds of crying. She walked in and saw Marissa curled up in the fetal position on Ryan's bed. She really felt for her best friend.

"Coop?"

Marissa turned around and when Summer saw the tears in her eyes, she ran over to her and embraced her best friend.

"I promise I will never let you down again." Summer whispered into Marissa's ear.

Marissa cried and cried and cried.

Summer stayed with Marissa for ten minutes more. She did this so she could calm down. When she was finally all calm, Marissa went with the help of Summer back into the house. Everybody looked at Marissa, and saw the tears that stained her eyes. It made them think about themselves, and how they let her down. They would never do that again, or so they thought. They didn't realize how soon they'd turn blind, and let her down once again.

The meal was coming to a close. There was some conversation, but not too much. Everybody didn't really know what to say. Kirsten and Seth tried to start some talking, but nothing ever materialized. Marissa and Sandy were still thinking about Ryan, while everybody else was busy thinking about Marissa. It finally came time for dessert. It was just Sandy, Kirsten, Seth, and Marissa left. Summer had to meet her father for an after dinner meal, and Jimmy had to check back into his boat early because they were closing the docks at an earlier time.

Now was the perfect time to make the confession. Now was the time to make the confession that had guilted her for so long, that had made her feel so bad.

"I have to go stop by the office for a minute. I forgot my briefcase there." Told Sandy to the rest of his family. He kissed everyone goodbye, and went out to the office. Now was the time.

"Kirsten, Seth, I need to tell you something."

Kirsten and Seth walked over to Marissa and sat down next to her.

"What is it sweetie?"

"Well, I have a confession to make. There is something that has haunted me for so long. I have felt so incredibly guilty, knowing I caused everybody so much pain, and I am truly sorry."

But the two didn't know what she was talking about.

"Marissa, what is going on?" Seth asked.

"Before Ryan came back, I had forged a relationship with the yard guy. Nobody knew about it because he would be fired if somebody found out. I did it all because this summer I was really lonely. But when Ryan came back, I wanted him so bad, but I felt like I couldn't just drop DJ. I kissed Ryan, but then….Ryan caught me kissing DJ right before his accident."

Kirsten was stunned, and Seth's anger was boiling.

Marissa was crying again, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. And now I think I've caused all of this."

"YOU SLUT!"

Marissa started crying harder. She expected Kirsten to say something, but she didn't. She finally did though, after a minute of Seth's name calling and barraging of Marissa.

"Get out of my house. I never want to see you again! You took my son! You took my SON!"

"But I…"

"GET OUT!"

Marissa left. She was completely distraught. How could this happen? Nobody loved her anymore. She needed to leave, to get out of Newport for good.

Marissa went home, snuck upstairs, and stole Caleb's money that he kept in the safe. She grabbed her picture of Ryan; she kept on her dresser, and her keys. And Marissa with tears still in her eyes left Newport, never to return.

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	14. Summer in LA

Disclaimer: I own Nada. Except what I make up.

Thanks for the reviews guys. It helps to know people appreciate me. Keep on Reviewing.

WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN

Summer in L.A.

Ryan took it all in. He knew that she had left, but would have never of thought that Sandy's story would hit him so hard. Ryan wanted to find her, and he wanted to find her now.

"I need to find her Sandy." Ryan told Sandy, rushing out of the kitchen, trying to find his shoes. Once he got his shoes on, Sandy stepped in front of the door, with his hands on his hips.

"You are not going anywhere."

Sandy blocked the door, forcing Ryan back inside. Ryan gave up, and walked back towards the sofa, falling down. When he fell, he realized just why Sandy stopped him from leaving.

"So the ribs hurt a little Ry?" Sandy asked, even to know he already knew the answer.

Ryan's body would be sore for the next couple of days because of walking for the fist time in three years. It was funny how quickly for Ryan he could forget that he had just spent a good three years in the hospital, in a completely immobile position. But he had, and was now reminded of it.

"You bet it hurts." He confirmed with Sandy.

Sandy smiled and told Ryan to give it a rest. Ryan could go on his baseless scavenger hunt to find Marissa another night. But tonight was a night of rest.

Sandy's story had taken so long, that it was already time for dinner. Neither Sandy nor Ryan was very hungry. So they decided to forego dinner for the night and go straight to sleep, Sandy to his room, and Sandy to his very new room.

Sandy walked into his room, took of his tie, and lay down on the bed. He took a deep breath, and turned on the television. When he switched the station to TBS the superstation, he was not very surprised to see The Shawshank Redemption playing again. The movie was on for the tenth time this week, and each time Sandy came across it, he would stop and turn it on. The movie actually gave him hope. He thought about the struggles that Andy Duphraine went through in the film, and related it to his own life.

See Tim Robbins's character Andy, had some rough things happen to his life, but he always kept hope alive, and it eventually set him free. Sandy actually had the same feelings in the beginning. But after watching for the fourth and fifth time, he had begun to doubt himself, wondering how things had gotten so screwed up. Somebody one room over from him, was wondering the exact same thing as he was.

Ryan lay on his bed thinking of all the problems that he needed to fix. He needed to talk to Kirsten, and repatch his relationship with Seth. Ryan needed to see Marissa for his very own eyes and bring her home. He needed to be the hero all over again like the old days, except this time, Sandy now needed him just as much as anybody else. Ryan was just wondering one thing, how did this family get so screwed up. But 3000 miles east, somebody was thinking the very same things.

Seth Cohen sat in his apartment in a high rise on the campus of New York University. It was already nine PM, and he looked down at the small yellow cabs and cars passing below, being their horns like it was human nature. The city that never sleeps and he was use to that by now. Seth looked out the window to what would be the direction of California. He hadn't thought about him for the longest time. He hadn't remembered the good times they shared. He had put his brother in the back of his mind for so long. But now, somehow, Ryan came back to the forefront of his thoughts.

He sometimes wondered if Ryan was still on life support, if his dad had left him on it. He wasn't sure if he really cared. Seth had given up all hope a long time ago, unlike Andy Duphraine. Seth remembered watching that movie with his father, whenever it was on. He slowly realized that he was turning more and more into a Brooks, a person who when the going gets tough, would simply give up. That is what he did with Ryan. Sometimes he thought he had let Ryan and his father down, but most of the time, he was steadfast in his belief that he needed to get away from his father, and his ideas were better for Ryan. But today, he felt like Ryan knew what happened, knew somehow that Seth had tried to kill him.

So Seth sat in his apartment, his one room, one bedroom apartment, thinking about for the millionth time in the past three years about What Could Have Been.

Ryan slept peacefully that night. Surprisingly, he had very little dreams, and the ones he had where actually positive. He had no nightmares, or anything out of the ordinary. When he woke up, he smelled the familiar smell of bagels toasting in the morning. As Ryan made his way down the stairs, he looked over at Sandy who was in the midst of finishing off the final drops of his glass of bourbon. Ryan quickly hid his face. Sandy was drinking, at nine o'clock in the morning.

This was an act that Ryan would be used to from his mother, but not from Sandy, he expected more from him. But he couldn't say anything to him.

"Hi Sandy." Ryan said, walking into the room, making sure That Sandy had put the bourbon away before coming in. He didn't want to embarrass him, as his stories had embarrassed him enough.

"Hello Ryan." Sandy responded, fumbling with the coffee cup in his hands. He nearly dropped it, but put it down just in time. Though Ryan did pick up on his trembling hands, an obvious sign of alcoholism, but Ryan still thought nothing of it. If there was anyone that he would doubt being an alcoholic, that would be Sandy, so he couldn't believe it, and he didn't.

"Hey Sandy. I Have a question for you."

"Shoot."

"Where is Summer?"

Summer, Summer had actually stayed in touch with Sandy. She was really the only person from what he could call his old life that he still had. She being Seth's girlfriend, after getting back together during those three years, was Sandy's closest link to Seth. She kept him informed.

"Summer is still in Newport. I still keep in touch with her. She is my only person left in Newport, before you came back. She goes to UCLA, here is the address of her dorm." "Ryan, might I ask why you are going to see her?" But in reality, Sandy knew why Ryan wanted to see her.

"To find out where Marissa is."

That is what he figured, and Ryan was off. Ryan got behind the wheel for the first time since the accident. He took a deep breath, started the car, and drove out on the street. Luckily for him, nothing drastic changed over the past three years, dealing with automobiles. There were no flying cars yet, or thrusters in the back of the car. So he still knew how to drive.

When he finally got out on the road, he was a little uncomfortable, driving 50 in a 65, getting passed left and right, even by a car full of nuns. But he let them go by, because they had God on their side. The trip did not take that long actually, or at least shorter than the time Ryan thought it would take.

When Ryan finally got to the campus, it was crawling with people. He was luckily enough to spot Summer coming out of her film class. Then it happened. There eyes met.

Summer looked over at the person staring at her. It looked exactly like…..OH MY GOD! It was Ryan. But how could it be Ryan? He is in a coma and would probably never wake uP! She thought to herself. Summer became scared and started running. She ran and ran and ran to her dorm, but when she got there, she saw Sandy's car waiting outside, and Ryan step out of it.

"Hi Summer."

"Ryan?"

"Yea, it's me."

And for the second time, somebody collapsed at the sight of him.

Ryan smiled at first, knowing that his presence could have such a profound effect on somebody else. Then Ryan went into action. He walked over to Summer, and took her in his arms. She was out cold. HE saw a girl walking into her dorm.

"Excuse me, this is my friend Summer, and she fainted."

The girl looked at Summer, and then at Ryan.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU PERV!" The girl then proceeded to take out her pepper spray, and spray it all in Ryan's eyes.

Ryan screamed in pain, and dropped Summer hard onto the grass. The girl then ran away as fast as she can. UCLA must have a lot nut jobs there.

As Ryan started to come to from his eye injuries, so did Summer. Ryan rolled off his stomach and onto his back as a small crowd formed around the two twenty year olds. Ryan opened his eyes to see the crowd. They looked kind of hostile towards him. One walked up with her cell phone in hand.

"I'm gonna go call the cops!"

"NO!"

Who was that that was defending him? It would be nice to get some support.

IT was Summer.

"HE came to see me; I was just shocked, when I saw him, that's all."

The crowd dispersed, and Ryan and Summer stared at each other for the longest time, on the grass, neither of them knowing where to begin. Summer was just getting over the shock that Ryan, who she thought was pretty much dead, was all of the sudden, sitting next to her waiting for her to say something to him. But the words just wouldn't come out, they couldn't. This was just too much to handle for her, so she needed the escape. She learned from Marissa the best way to escape. Since she didn't have any vodka, she took the second route. She cried.

"Don't Cry Summer." Ryan said, breaking the silence, as well as the distance between the two. He hugged her, bringing her close to his chest, as she continued to cry hysterically. He was tentative to hug her, but he was now just being a friend, helping another friend in her time of need.

"I…thought….you..wwwerrre dead." Summer told Ryan, in between her cries. Ryan didn't know what to say, because frankly, everyone thought he was dead. HE didn't understand how he was here today, because if he was in everyone else's situation, he would have thought he'd be dead too.

"Well im not, and im here right now, so can we can go inside and talk about things? Okay?"

Summer nodded her head and with the help of Ryan, got up off the grass, and walked inside the dorm, and up to her room. Funny enough, the girl who sprayed Ryan with the pepper spray, had the room across the hall. When she saw Ryan walk inside, she ran inside her room, slammed the door shut.

"Campus nut case Ryan, don't worry about her."

Ryan laughed.

Ryan and Summer walked into Summer's room. Summer went over to her bed and sat down, putting her head into her hands, wiping the tears out of her eyes.

Ryan chose to walk around her room, while she settled down. She had pictures lining the walls. Summer was lucky enough to have a single room, so all the pictures and thing were hers. All the pictures just happened to be of the four of them, Ryan, Marissa, Seth, and herself.

Ryan picked up the pictures sitting next to her bed. One was of Marissa, one was of Seth, and one was of all four of them. He wasn't really surprised that he didn't get one of himself, as he was never really that close to her. The only real time he had spoken to Summer was when he went over her house to ask her about Seth, shortly before he got into his car accident after his visit to Marissa's.

Ryan picked up one though of the four of them, last year at the wedding, the day that changed all of them forever.

"I remember that day."

"What?"

"I remember that day." Summer chimed in.

"You were leaving that day. Everything was about to change forever. Marissa was going to drink again, Seth was going to leave, I would go to therapy, and you would go to Chino to be with Theresa. Sandy and Kirsten, the perfect couple, would start to fight; Julie and Caleb would form the most gruesome of twosomes ever in the history of the earth."

"Those were the days."

"I'll say."

There was a long pause, probably about two minutes, as they continued to stare at all the pictures.

"So, how are things with…." Ryan started, but was quickly broken up by Summer's question.

"Ryan! What are you doing here? When did you wake up? I thought you were dead for sure." Summer told Ryan, as his eyes shifted towards the floor, to admire his shoes. He couldn't even look Summer in the eyes while he spoke to her.

"I'm sorry Ryan, if it's a touchy subject, I really am."

"No, its fine that is why I came, to talk to you about it. I woke up like three days ago. It has been what, three years. You know that everything is so screwed up?"

"Yea I know. I seem to be the only sane one of late."

"Are you and Seth still…." Ryan asked her inferring something.

"Yes we are, and have been for the past four years. It's hard with the long distance relationship, but it's even harder with the fact that our relationship was strained, with his father and him fighting. You do know about that, right?"

Ryan nodded his head.

"Yea, personally, I don't agree with what Seth or Kirsten did, but it isn't my business. I do however keep in touch with Sandy. I am the person he comes to when he wants to know about his family, and what is going on with Seth and Kirsten. But they do not know that I talk to him, and if they did, I don't know what would happen. I mean because both of them have changed so much since well you know, they tried to…you understand. But whatever, we are still together. Ryan, I have a pretty good idea about why you are here, but I'll ask anyway, why are you here?"

Ryan waited a couple of seconds before responding, but he finally did.

"Marissa."

"Just what I thought" She responded. Summer motioned for Summer to sit down next to her on her bed. Ryan sat down, and she began to talk.

"It hit me hard when Marissa left. I actually went back into therapy. I mean she was…I mean is my best friend. We hadn't been separate from each other, pretty much all our lives. We have always been so close, and she just took off out of nowhere. Things were just so rough on her. Sandy and I were the only one's really here for her, and I had a lot of troubles, with Seth and all. So it was really only Sandy. But when she left, everything fell apart."

"Do you know where she is?" Ryan asked her, getting right down to the point.

Summer sighed, "Yes I do. I know where she is, but she made me promise never to tell anybody ever again.

"Summer" Ryan said in a stern voice. "You can tell me."

"I'm not so sure Ryan. I mean if you are gonna go and patronize her because of what she did with D.J. then I wont, because her life has been tough enough."

"I will not Summer, I promise. I just want to see her. No matter how much she has screwed up, I must admit, I miss her, and I still love her. I just want to bring her home safe."

Summer knew she was breaking. She was going to tell Ryan where she was, and break the one promise that she had said so long ago that she would always keep.

"Summer, where is she?"

"Sacramento."

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